what’s in a handshake?
Some time ago, I began studying body/facial language (I distinguish the two for clarity). I started with an easy to read, “best-seller” book. Not long after, I delved into the more academic books, mostly written or co-written by Paul Ekman, an authority on the subject of body and facial language (and yes, the main character in Lie to Me is very loosely based on Ekman; Ekman is a scientific consultant for the show as well).
Anyway, back to the title of this post, which is on handshaking. Handshakes are interesting. You can learn quite a bit about a person from his handshake, namely the level of submissiveness or dominance of that person. But how?
We’re all taught to use a firm handshake. Not crushing, but firm. The firmness of the handshake is an important factor, but not as important as another one other factor I’ll mention in a moment. The reason that firmness is not quite as indicative is that we’re all taught to use a firm handshake, meaning that people who are not confident at all will sometimes (but not always) use a very firm handshake. Sometimes, more confident people will lighten up on their handshakes, perhaps to avoid coming across as “bullying.”
So what else aside from firmness can give away someone’s confidence level? The next time you shake someone’s hand, take note of the angle of that person’s hand, preferably by feel (don’t stare at the person’s hand). A confident person will angle his hand so that his palm is angled slightly down. As a consequence, the less confident person’s palm will be slightly tilted up in this case, meaning the dominant hand will be slightly atop the other person’s hand.
My strategy is to use a firm handshake and to use a neutral hand position. This allows the other person (the person whose hand I’m shaking) to angle his hand whichever way he wants. If the person isn’t very confident, the handshake will remain “neutral,” meaning my palm will be parallel to the floor (neither facing up nor down). If the person is more confident, he will slightly twist such that his palm is angled slightly down, meaning his hand is “on top” (a dominance gesture). He won’t even be aware that all this is going on, of course.
This is a fascinating test. I immediately discern the person’s level of confidence from the handshake alone, even if the person is not trying to come across as overly confident. Of course, there are many other “tells” of someone’s confidence, so I admit that this is more a curiosity than anything else. But it’s intriguing how incredibly consistent this is.
It’s also interesting to observe two dominant people shaking hands. You’ll notice one trying to “one up” the other following the initial contact; he’ll place his other, free hand atop the pair’s already-clasped hands, or even on the other person’s arm or shoulder. Sometimes the other party will then respond by placing his hand over the shoulder as well. It looks very affectionate, but all of this one-upping is a dominance game, not affection or friendship.
Above – Obama/McCain shake hands. Notice both former candidates doing an elbow grab, attempting to (probably unknowingly) “one up” the other. Obama’s expression is curious. Maybe he is about to say something, while exerting some effort to maintain a fake smile. McCain is clearly showing us what Ekman calls a “miserable smile” (aka, a grin-and-bear-it smile); he also looks away while doing this, whereas Obama maintains his gaze toward McCain. McCain might be looking away out of avoidance—a desire to not be in his current situation, hence, casting his gaze away.